i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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