I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
