Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
