Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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