Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
