i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
