If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
