If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
