just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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