It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I checked into jail on foursquare
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
