cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
