dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
