oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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