hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
