I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
