doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Im part way to drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
