wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
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will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
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Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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