im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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