Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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