Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
