my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
