RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize
