I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
