the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
