We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How does one acquire holy water?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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