dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Success! We fucked roommates!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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