I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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