"it" just moved
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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