WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
