chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
