I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
