I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
