yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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