if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
