You work out of a Hotel?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
