My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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