Ambien. No doubt about it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
