Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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