I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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