I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
