I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
