my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
