just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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