it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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