Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
