Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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