She said her name was "party"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
