Porn is love you can see.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
