Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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