not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
