My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
