you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
