I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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