Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
