I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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