just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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