I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
