Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
