Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
