I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
