Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
