I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
