Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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