if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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