This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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