Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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