You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
