never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she smelled like a LAN party
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.