Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  tell him to stop quoting family guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say (1-412): tell him to stop quoting family guy http://tfl.nu/1hbe
  Replies (18) Good night (1533) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I cant believe we actually had a nipple party! http://tfl.nu/pec6
  Replies (5) Good night (2038) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit." http://tfl.nu/5gls
  Replies (31) Good night (1081) Bad night (4807)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun? http://tfl.nu/av48
  Replies (17) Good night (4799) Bad night (1147)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/c5bq
  Replies (36) Good night (9787) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  that's your solution for everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best (1-773): that's your solution for everything http://tfl.nu/v8le
  Replies (36) Good night (7154) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I don't have enough holes for all these australians

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I don't have enough holes for all these australians http://tfl.nu/dq24
  Replies (13) Good night (5907) Bad night (1326)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions? http://tfl.nu/wa33
  Replies (23) Good night (2579) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again. http://tfl.nu/53df
  Replies (6) Good night (1740) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth? http://tfl.nu/108c
  Replies (7) Good night (1333) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning http://tfl.nu/3d0d
  Replies (10) Good night (1039) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever. http://tfl.nu/tgjb
  Replies (5) Good night (1240) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable. http://tfl.nu/k33a
  Replies (5) Good night (1706) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her http://tfl.nu/g7bc
  Replies (1) Good night (660) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is http://tfl.nu/babg
  Replies (1) Good night (624) Bad night (194)

Randomize