Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.