i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
