Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
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Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
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i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So was this before or after he cried about trump?