I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...