I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!