It's Friday. Sex?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
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Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
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Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.