Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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