I wanna bring you to show and tell
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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