1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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